


Oh tell me we both matter, don't we?

by Alsike



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Only ambiguously romantic, Rebirth, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-18 23:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22001737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alsike/pseuds/Alsike
Summary: Soulmates don't exist, said Alex.It doesn't matter, thought Kara, when your world is gone.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 10
Kudos: 192





	Oh tell me we both matter, don't we?

**Author's Note:**

> Birthday fic! A gift from me to you.
> 
> Title from Kate Bush, Running up that Hill

"Soulmates don't exist," Alex said. "Ugh, that would be so dumb, Kara. It's bad enough with Mom always saying things like 'when you get married, when you have kids' and gross stuff like that. To think the world was like, nope, here's the person you're stuck with. That would be even worse."

The topic had come up as Kara had found a series of vampire books containing soulmates and had come to Alex with serious questions about the accuracy of all of it. It turned out that neither vampires, witches, nor shapeshifters existed, and now, Alex was denying the one part of it that hadn't been terrifying. Unlike Alex, Kara had liked the idea of soulmates, the idea you could see someone, touch someone, and you'd feel that you belonged with them, you'd _know_.

"And how dumb would that be? Touching someone and getting all electric sparks everywhere? Hmm, I know what that feels like." Alex suddenly grinned and launched herself at Kara, and Kara shrieked and went limp like a sausage. Alex was going to tickle her. It wasn't _fair_.

Some day, Kara swore, she was going to have enough control over her powers to tickle Alex back.

In the books, Kara had liked Ash and Mary-Lynette's relationship the best, she thought, because they hadn't liked each other. They were soulmates, knew they were soulmates, but they didn't want to be together. They rubbed each other the wrong way, and that meant that even though they were soulmates, it wasn't enough to make them happy.

It was really sad. But it was a soft kind of sad, the kind of sad that made Kara not worry too much about them. They were smart. They made good decisions. And sometimes not being with the person your soul called out for was a good decision.

But Kara still wished there was someone her soul called out for.

She wished there was a chance that person hadn't died on Krypton.

#

Kara wasn't very into Alex's punk phase. She was dying her hair black and looking gaunt and pale, and Kara was reminded again of those soulmate vampire books that had made her very nervous because Alex hadn't bothered to tell her that vampires _weren't actually real_.

But she'd found Alex's Placebo CD left in the player and put it on one evening when Alex was out, on a _date_. (Kara missed the Alex who thought dating and boys were gross. Now Alex rolled her eyes about it a lot, but went out anyways, and came back with her fists balled, kicking the baseboards, like the whole thing pissed her off. Kara wished she'd stay home so they could curl up on the sofa and watch tv like they used to.) It was a sad cd, which matched Kara's mood, and she found herself holding a pillow, tears trickling just a little down her cheeks, as she played one song on repeat.

She hadn't started crying until she'd looked at the title. "Sleeping with ghosts." But the whole song was like watching Krypton burn, watching everything she loved being taken away from her again.

Most of the time she was fine. Most of the time she just picked up one foot and put it after another. Most of the time the grief wasn't a riptide, sucking her under and drowning her.

She hadn't heard Alex's heartbeat near, hadn't heard her feet on the stairs. But she heard the breathy call of her name. "Kara?"

Kara sat up, rubbing her arm across her eyes.

Alex reached out, pressing stop on the CD, catching it in the middle of the repeating lyric "soulmates never die." It whirred as it spun slower and finally stopped. There was a moment where it looked like Alex was going to ask, "Are you okay?" But then her shoulders lowered, her lips turned down, and she didn't. She just stepped in, arms out, and wrapped her up instead.

Alex hadn't had to ask. The tear tracks on Kara's face made it silly to think of as soulmate telepathy. But even if it was just a little lie to keep herself whole, while Alex held her, sturdy and sullen, Kara let herself think that's what it was.

#

The photo was of a squire, fresh faced, with mussed short dark hair. He wore dark colors and mail, with a light cuirass, his helmet in the crook of his arm. The tip of his sword rested on the greensward, his hands folded over the pommel. His eyes were cast in shadow, but his visage was unmistakable.

Alex.

Sara had brought it, a sly grin on her face that said a little too much. She'd given the photo to Kara with the promise that she'd hand it over to Alex. Apparently Jax had taken the shot on their trip to the court of Arthur.

"I don't believe in reincarnation more than the next non-buddhist, or whatever," Sara had said. "But tell me that doesn't look exactly like Alex. And anyways, a knight? That's Alex to a T, right kiddo?" She mussed Kara's hair, which was not entirely appreciated. But what she'd said wasn't wrong.

It sure wasn't.

But it was hard to think of Alex as a knight in another life without asking the question--whose knight? Not Kara's.

But whose knight was she now? A little drunk, a little lonely. Maybe she was a ronin with no master.

Kara had always wanted to set her free. But maybe Alex was made to have a master.

It was hard to look at this picture and wonder if maybe reincarnation did happen. If it did, Alex wouldn't have been reborn with Kara. There was no fair lady or tousled blond knight in the background. If they had past lives, they would be separated by lightyears.

And if Kara died, would she be reborn at all without her home planet, without Rao to give her form once more?

#

Even in the low gravity of the dying planet, Alex's knees were tired, and Kara's back hurt from carrying so many worlds on it. Though Alex wasn't the strong one, she stepped in when Kara faltered and offered her shoulder.

"You don't have to--" Kara started, wrapping an arm around her to lean on her anyway. Maybe Alex had always been the strong one.

There was something unexpected about her touch, something that thrilled, running electric sparkles down Kara's spine. Strangely, it wasn't startling. It was just--how touching Alex felt. It was strange, how she _knew_ that. How it had always been that way, even though this was the first time she'd felt it.

Alex gave her a dark-eyed curious look, the line between her brows always outclassing Kara's crinkle, and yet never drawing comment. (Sometimes Kara wished that Alex had let her be unhappy. But Alex, relentlessly, tried to make her happy. Maybe Kara had cried too much when they were kids, and Alex couldn't bear to see it again.)

Alex didn't speak, and yet Kara heard her voice.

_Something's different about this planet._

Kara looked up at the strange blue sun on this strange grey-cast world, and knew. She knew she'd always known. And yet, it was right that they not _know_ it until now, until they were both old, both tired. Because maybe if they'd known before now, they would have chosen to reject it, put space between them, afraid that neither wanted this closeness, that neither deserved it.

But now, with everyone they'd loved fallen behind them, left on other planets, lost though not forgotten, with those places they'd tried to make home no more than cast off outgrown hermit crab shells, they had accepted loneliness, and yet never truly been alone. This wasn't a destiny that was forced, or even chosen or rejected. It wasn't anything that could be changed or used or denied at all. It just . . . was.

The meteor destroyed the sky above them, its light gleaming against the atmosphere, turning it into violet rainbows. This world was none of their own. They had been lost for so long, and they had ended up here, where neither had the strength to save themselves, much less the world.

Alex's hand, grip strong and rough, ran up Kara's forearm to close around her wrist. Alex pulled her powerless body into her arms, wrapping her arms around Kara's triceps, holding onto her as firmly as she could, sheltering, protective. _I've got you._

Kara held Alex's waist and rested her head on her shoulder. _I know. I've got you too._

She heard the bluster of offense in Alex's head--insulted by the idea that she would ever have to be protected by her much more powerful younger sister--and laughed softly into her neck. Till the end, right? Until the end, Alex would be Alex. And they would be each other's home.

Kara held Alex, feeling the shiver of connection between them. She knew Alex felt it too, felt her tentative foal-like explorations of it, and felt a quiet welling of joy at the connection. It had always been there, but now-- now it was a gift.

The meteor approached this tiny planet, glowing too bright to see, so bright that the light burned through eyelids, so bright that it burned skin. They clutched each other close, hiding their faces in each other's shoulders, close and tight and intimate.

It was clear now. They had been born to die in each other's arms. And for once, Kara trusted that even if the world ended, if she was reborn, she would be reborn at Alex's side.

###


End file.
